I heard this story from a friend of a friend of a friend, who was the first friend mentioned in this sequence. That’s how you know it’s true!!
A gamer by the name of MRgaming1019 wanted to play a new kind of game, but everyone was already playing the games he wanted to review for his reviewer man show, The Steven Dackowski Plays Games Show, even though I said his name was MRgaming1019 and not Steven Dackowski.
So he went to a very bad part of town to find a mysterious video game to play for his show. But the only games they had were Undertale for the Nintendo 64 and an old PC game called “Red Flagman’s Rally.” Since MRgaming1019 didn’t own a console, he bought the second thing.
It was 14.95, plus TAX!
The box had an image of a bleeding green flag, and also it was smiling. Whaaaat? That was my reaction, since this was from the 1990’s days.
The flag was being held by a man in sad gray clothing. Overalls made of denim or something drab, right? His face was made of teeth.
“This looks like a normal game, yes?” He put in the game.
Before it closed all the way, it got stuck. He couldn’t play the game if the CD got stuck in the computer! How would he face the day, knowing this haunted game clogged up the disc tray? His two fans would be so disappointed!
But it wasn’t a disc. It was a piece of toast?
He found a crusty yellow note in the game box. It read:
“-It’s been 25 years. Nora’s not waking up.
-Dammit, she’s our daughter! I’d pay 25 more years of hospital bills if it meant seeing her awake!
-I’m pulling the plug.
-NO! So help me God, I’ll divorce you if you kill her!”
Right. He wasn’t a 37-year old man from Virginia. He was a 37-year old woman in a coma for 25 years from Virginia.
Damn. Better wake up.
“How do you feel, Nora?”
Nora’s voice was hoarse, her words turning crustier with each syllable.
“I don’t know if I can feel. I lost 25 years of my life thinking I was a terrible video game reviewer.”
It must be some loopiness from being out for so long, thought her mother.
“All I remember was failing to do a sweet back-flip on my skateboard… There was a guy trying to stop me… he was holding something and waved it at me…”
“Try to rest, dear.” Although her mother worried that she’d slip back into sleep, it had been a long afternoon of doctors, relatives, friends, offspring of pets, and a childhood pal who had visited Nora everyday, often mentioning how “beautiful in lifeless tranquility” Nora had appeared to her.
Nora tried to sleep, but the tears made it hard. Could she ever be normal? She lost so much of her life because of one dumb mistake. Her hands bothered her to look at. They weren’t her hands. Nothing was hers. She didn’t want any of it.
From the view out her window, Nora appreciated the sad fog climbing across the hills. Far beyond the outskirts of the concrete wilderness, Nora spotted a flagman with a green flag, rapidly waving off some kids playing with fireworks.
“Damn,” Nora muttered. “My two fans are going to be so disappointed.”
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, snap! Isn’t it weird how our fantasy universes can occasionally overpower our realities and we lose sight of real life? I mean, Ka-POW!
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