The commercial began.
Reggie: “At Stool Pigeon’s, we’ve got the right stool for all your stool needs.” He pulls out a chart. “Here are some modern stools that we stock.”
Reggie: “My favorite is number eight. Now here are some classic stools that–”
Nick: “Hey, forget that boring stuff!”
Reggie: “It’s not boring. It’s our work.”
Nick: “Our prices are so low, it’ll make you wanna SOAR!”
Reggie: “Oh no.”
Nick begins to levitate. He takes flight. He soars above the stools.
Nick: “I and my three coworkers got shocked by a radioactive toaster, so now we can FLYYYYYY!”
Reggie: “Two coworkers. I don’t fly.”
James: “Oh, come on! Just fly like us!”
Reggie: “This won’t sell stools. Get back to the commercial.”
Mariko: “Hey, viewers! Come down to Stool Pigeon’s, and try to convince Reggie to fly! While you’re at it, buy a stool!”
Nick: “Very nice.”
James, Nick and Mariko soar in the air, knocking into some stools on the second floor.
Reggie: “This won’t sell stools. It won’t. You’re ridiculous.”
Mariko: “Reggie is a very serious sort.”
James: “He thinks the air is for stool storage space.”
Mariko: “He smokes.”
Nick: “He’s embarrassed to fly.”
Reggie: “I am. I think flight is for birds, bats and bugs.”
Nick: “Buy our stools at Stool Pigeon today!”
The commercial spot ended.
Mariko: “You were right, Reggie. That was awful.”
James: “It sucked.”
Nick: “It was a real piece of crap!”
Reggie: “That’s why I’m the boss. Now let’s get a professional to make a new one.”
The next day, a commercial producer came.
Producer: “So I saw your self-made commercial.”
Reggie: “Yes, and we’d like an improvement.”
Producer: “Here’s my idea: Keep the flight.”
Reggie: “Excuse me?”
Producer: “Make it a gag. I see it like this: Your employees flit down, levitating above the ground. They ask, ‘We can’t get grounded? How do we stop floating?’ Then you flit down and sit on a stool. Each employee sits on a stool.”
Nick: “Do it, boss!”
Reggie: “I don’t want…” He pauses. “Well… if it gets my employees to stop flying for a minute. I’ll fly too. But only downwards!”
The new commercial plays. Everyone applauds the changes.
Reggie: “I wonder if we’ll get business like this.”
Mariko: “We’ll see soon.”
Later that week, Stool Pigeon is packed.
Customer A: “Hey, how did you do that flying special effect?”
Customer B: “Yeah, that was real clever! That convinced me to buy a stool here, and I already own six!”
James: “Uh… trade secret of video editing.”
Nick: “Yeah, same guys who did the Fatboy Slim video.”
Mariko: “I am also saying it’s Fatboy Slim video editing.”
Reggie: “Back to work, people.”
At that moment, Reggie hears a shuffling on the second floor. A big wooden modern stool is falling.
Reggie: “Watch out!”
He flies up, catches the stool, and puts it in its proper place.
Everyone has their cell phones out, recording, filming. Reggie stands firmly.
Reggie: “Fine, the flight was real. Does it really make you want to buy a stool?”
Mariko, James, Nick: “Boss?”
Reggie: “I don’t need fancy special effects or real flight. If you need a stool, buy one. If you’re just here for the commercial, don’t. I’m not here for your entertainment. You don’t really want to mess with me tonight.”
Mariko: “Pink fan?”
Reggie: “So buy something or leave.”
No one left. Everyone was hoping another stool would fall.
Reggie would have his hands full from the commercial for another two years until they replaced it with a tamer, flight-free commercial.