Gillian Jacobs And The Noodle Kingdom

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Everyone on Earth knows and loves Gillian Jacobs. She is the star of Dan Harmon’s Community and once appeared on Adventure Time. But what no human knows, until now, is that Ms. Jacobs–excuse me, Queen Ms. Jacobs lives a double life! For you see, Gillian Jacobs is queen over all in the Noodle Kingdom.

It all began during the filming of the Community Season 3 episode “Competitive Ecology.” While Gillian Jacobs was reading her lines, WHOOPS!, a tractor beam made her disappear, possibly forever! Chevy Chase screamed and screamed and screamed in fright. Joel McHale pretended to wipe his nose to distract himself from what he just saw. Yvette Nicole Brown missed it because she was eating a third of a bagel.

Green light dissipated on another planet as Gillian Jacobs came into view. While Gillian was busy looking for her script (currently back on her home planet), a chalk white figure saddled up to her. His walk had an immature stoutness to it as if someone had eaten too much with no concern to health.

“Who are you?” asked the timid actress. She noticed a dog behind the man and wanted to punch it. It looked at her wrong.

“I am Momofuku Ando, King of the Noodle Kingdom, with a 52.6% ownership in red shrimp shares.” He paused as if pretending to think about sad things. “I love red shrimp.”

The person who played Britta Perry gulped. “The inventor of the Cup Of Noodle?” She knew exactly where this was going.

“The very same. And it’s “o'” not “of”. Miss Jacobs,” he slobbered in that Hugh Grant way of his, “will you be my Noodle Queen?” She called it.

Poetically, with an air of adjectives, Jacobs declined. “Why not choose Alison Brie? She’s lovely, she doesn’t have a G or J in her name.” She didn’t dare marry such an important man. “I have both a G and a J in my name.”

The king wiggled an ear. “Alas, you are the human with the greatest potential to love noodles. Have you even eaten a cup o’ my noodles before?”

She tilted her face away. “Nay. I’ve never eaten a noodle before.”

Momofuku Ando temporarily turned her legs into a pearl-white table. Then, he plopped a bowl filled with his special noodle mix–It’s a secret.

She opened her mouth, and–

“NOODLES NOODLES NOODLES!” she yelped happily.

“Now I know you are fit to be my queen, Gillian Jacobs! Will you marry me?”

“I will!” she squealed happily. “I will!”

The dog fell into a pit filled with triangular traffic signs.

Thirty or forty years later, the King and Queen had two children. The older son, Goosey, was a rebel. You could tell because he wore sunglasses, even when watching Moana. He only ate blue lobsters, but since he hated them, he never ate. The younger son, Smartie, was smart. He was so smart, a cup o’ noodle grew from his noodle! He ate all noodles and fish. Both sons inherited their mother’s arms and the father grew a mustache.

“Oh no!” Gillian Jacobs sprang to her feet. “I’m thirty or forty years too late to film Community!”

The king laughed. “Time moves slower here. You’re only twenty-nine or thirty-nine years late.” The king pressed a button and WHOOPS! It was Season 3 of Community again, like she had never left.

To this day, Gillian Jacobs travels between worlds, here an actress, there a glamorous queen of noodles. See if you can spot any interviews where she lets this fact slip–there are three!